Remember the septic tank issue? Well, it’s back. It is dark right now and Steve and our oldest boys are heading out to dig up more of the septic tank. They have gathered their flashlights, shovels and thrown on their winter gear and boots. I noticed the toilet flushed slow again today and then moments later one of our sons yelled up that the toilet did not flush, but started oozing water out from under it. Oh no!!! Not again! We ran to find towels to stop it as fast we could. Then our oldest son used the wet vac to suck up the water. Well, as he sucked up water, more water came out from under the toilet and he sucked up more water and more water came out and….you get the picture. Meanwhile, all children have been instructed to not flush toilets, run faucets, no washing machine, etc. until further notice. This is not going to be pretty is what I was thinking. So, we held out until Steve arrived home. Just after his arrival though, our youngest complained of her tummy hurting. Uh oh. Then she made a visit to the bathroom with her Daddy knocking on the door reminding her to not flush the toilet. She didn’t flush, but oh, how I wish she could!!! Shew!!! Okay, so, how long can 8 people survive overnight until we can have more septic tank help tomorrow morning?
We can do it! But, to be honest with you, my flesh just wants to throw myself face down on the ground and cry out to God(about the septic tank, the struggles lately, and where are those elk???). My flesh is feeling the frustration of not hearing any word back yet on our profile being shown. My flesh is struggling with how long we have been waiting to adopt-we started our homestudy in Indiana in May and it is now the end of December (but of course, we were called to Utah and did move over 1500 miles during that time). My flesh is panicking on how we will come up with the money to adopt. We certainly could not go in and buy a car with $30,000 cash in hand, but this is the estimate of the cost to adopt an orphan. It breaks my heart to hear about the different birthmoms and their situations. I will admit that there has been some mornings that I wake up and just cry thinking of the situations that they and their children (many of them have other children) face-homelessness, lack of employment, lack of family support, etc. How sad to think of the children growing up in this unstable environment and how hard on the birthmoms to try and support their families. Oh, how my heart aches and longs to hold children that need homes. I long to rock them and tell them that we love them. I long to see our children hold them and read to them, play with them and love them. I wonder what our baby (babies or children?) will look like, what will they ask us as they grow older, etc. So, my flesh panics, but my heart aches. And we remind ourselves that this is all up to God as we have no physical way to do this ourselves. I remind myself that when we said “no” to the Utah job in March/April, we then began the process of a homestudy to adopt. We paid the cost of the homestudy out of pocket as we had not started fundraising yet. Then God called us again and we finally said, “yes” to the Utah job. We lost all the money that had been paid out on the homestudy and paperwork in Indiana. They would not refund any of it. However, once we said “yes” to Utah, God began to move. He provided exactly enough money to pay for our homestudy in Utah, the application to the agency and all the paperwork through our yard sales, book sale, selling half our goat herd, and auctions. Exactly enough. Not any extra. So, here we sit waiting and not knowing how we will do it, but knowing He has called us not only to Utah, but also to adopt. We have felt since the beginning that our baby is in Utah. And here we are. I wonder if God is showing us again that we are not in control and that He wants us to see our community of family and friends help us with this adoption instead of us trying to do (pay for ) it all on our own. It’s almost like any of our money that we have spent towards adopting has not been accepted up to this point. It has all come from our support network. Is God working in their hearts through this baby’s adoption? Is He speaking to them? Is this what it is all about? He certainly has our attention and full hearts. We have been praying all along that this baby will bring glory to Him. Maybe this baby already is?
So, that’s my flesh for you. Yes, we are real people..very real. I told Steve the other night that I sometimes hesitate to be so real on this blog about the struggles and concerns, but at the same time I feel that God wants me to be real and share. I feel that there are others out there that are being encouraged by watching our faith through our struggles. I pray that is so. Our struggles may not be the same as yours, but this is where we are right now and this is what He has called us to do.
Thank you for joining me on our, “Can I be fleshly for a minute walk”.