When we began this walk, we mostly began it for fleshly reasons-we wanted another baby and had talked about adopting early in our marriage. The thought wasn’t new to us, but oh, how we have grown in the past year.
We have heard many people make comments about birthmothers and make a face as they speak the words. We have heard/read/been told the stories of birthmoms trying to come back for their children. We’ve also been blessed to pray for many birthmoms on this walk.
Many birthmoms have grown up themselves without fathers in the picture and sometimes without mothers as well. Some birthmoms have been severely abused in their immediate families and also by the birthfathers of their baby. Some have been physically/se*ually assaulted. Some have been introduced to smoking, drinking, and drugs and have not been able to stop. Some have continued to drink, smoke, and take drugs during their pregnancies. Some have continued to be beaten by the birthfathers during their pregnancies. Some are homeless until they come to the adoption agencies. And many will be homeless again after the birth of their babies. But, you know what? God created them. He also created their babies. He also has led them to make an adoption plan for their child so that he/she may know a safe, warm, loving home to grow up in, with both parents available. Granted, some birthmoms are the “typical(is there one?) teenager” from a wealthy family, who is “in trouble”, but seldom is this the case, it seems. God does not make mistakes. He has also called us to adopt. He has called us to open our hearts to the down and dirty life of some of these birthmoms. He has called us to see what the future could possibly be like for these babies who are to be adopted. He has called us to pray for these birthmoms and babies and birthfathers. He has called us to cry out for them. He has called us to ask how we might be the face of Jesus to these people. He has called us to pray that we may live out the Gospel with them. He has called us to be open to so many more “issues” than we thought we would be. He has called us to trust Him in ALL things- which birthmom will choose us, which baby is for us, how long we will wait, how we will pay the fees to adopt, what fundraisers we will have, what to blog about through this journey, how to share with others the needs of so, so many orphans all over the world, how to share with others what they can do to help these orphans, our future baby’s health, the health of our future birthmom, and so much more.
Some people make comments about how can these birthmoms be in such situations and repeatedly have babies that they place for adoption. We have not walked in their shoes. We have lived a much different life. It is hard for many to understand how someone can walk in such a situation. Such a dispairing, disappointing, dirty situation in the world’s eyes. Does Jesus love them less? No. Can we love them? Can we really love them? Can we really pray for them? It’s nice living in our comfortable, warm world, isn’t it? We don’t want to be touched with this filth. Jesus took our filth. He died for our filth on that cross. Have we forgotten? Who are we to judge? Instead of being one of the people who makes comments about “those birthmothers”, why don’t we dig in and help with the problem? Let’s begin within our own families. Are we teaching our children that life matters? Or are we showing them that we live in a throw-away society and life can be taken if we choose, from the womb at any time? Are we living God’s word that “children are a blessing”? Or are they just a hassle that slows us down or keeps us from having what we (our flesh) wants? It’s nice to be in control, isn’t it? We think we can control the job we have, the number of children we have, what age we will marry, where we will live, etc.
Are we helping those many, many birthmoms and orphans out there? Or are we just talking about how wrong abortion is, but yet, we don’t have time for adoption in any shape or form? If we are going to speak the words against abortion, we better be part of the solution. How else can we help? We can, as a single person or a family, reach out to those birthmoms. Don’t shun them. They are choosing life, not death for their babies. Don’t treat them badly because they have sinned. Have you not sinned? Sin is sin. Sin is filthy. We are no better. Talk with them, work with them, give to them, support them, take them to prenatal appointments, be there for them, and pray for them.
Don’t know a birthmom? How about someone who has adopted? They probably could use a night out once in awhile. Could you volunteer to watch their child(ren) while they get away for a few hours? Or how about asking if you can help with some household chores? Laundry does pile up. Dishes take over sometimes. Could you run some errands for the adoptive family? Have you continued to pray for them after the adoption? Adoption is not over once that baby is placed in a family’s arms. Adoption is a lifetime commitment. It will sometimes involve contact with the birthmom and birthfather, many questions from the adopted child, health concerns later in life as to what might have run in the child’s family, comments from people talking about how the child does not look like the rest of the family, etc.
What about if your heart is tugging at you to consider adoption? No, we are too old, have too many children, don’t have a big enough house, don’t make enough money, etc. is NOT an excuse. Yes, this is coming from us “old” hopeful adoptive parents with many children already. If God puts the desire there in your heart, it’s there for a reason. TRUST HIM. He will provide a way, the finances, the connections, etc. for you to adopt if you are called. So, if you are being called, what is holding you back? Is it your flesh? Is it your immediate family? Begin by praying. Pray, pray, pray. Talk it over with your spouse and family. Pray some more. Begin asking friends who have adopted about the process. Pick up some books from the library on adoption and read. Keep praying and don’t stop there.
What if you know a family that is trying to adopt and you would like to support adoption through them? Be there for them. Pray for them. Send them words of encouragement, because there will be days that they throw themselves on the floor and say, “I quit, God. I quit”. Pray that they will hear the Lord on those days tell them to pull themselves back up off that floor and continue on in faith. Help them by running a fundraiser or supporting their fundraiser through a purchase. Help them by giving of your time to make something for a fundraiser, proofreading their paperwork for the adoption agency and homestudy, downsizing pictures for online auctions (:-)), spread the word about their adoption plans to others, connect them with others who have already adopted, send them an encouraging note, pray for the birthmoms that they are presented to, pray for the health of their future baby, and love them.
What if you don’t feel called to adopt, do not know anyone planning to adopt and don’t know anyone who has already adopted? How about looking up some adoption organizations and supporting them? There is also always Orphan Sunday in November. Share the info. with your church, family and friends. Or how about working/volunteering with an adoption organization? Or look into upcoming bills in your local government body. Do any of them affect the unborn children? Get involved.
Most of all, love one another. LOVE.
This walk is not about us.