This week has been a roller coaster ride. Please know that if we owe you a “thank you” note for donations or an email response, we are a little slow right now about these things. We do so appreciate all of you that have emailed and/or donated items. We couldn’t do it without you!
Earlier this week, our profile was shown for a 2mth. old baby and a baby due in Sept. We were not chosen either time. Yesterday, a friend who happened to know about a couple children that are in need of a home, possibly a permanent home soon, emailed me the info. I immediately began emailing the caseworker. She asked all kinds of questions-what state did we live in, what church did we attend, did we have a profile, how did we hear about these children, etc. I answered every question. The whole time Steve and I were holding our hands out wide open to take what the Lord wants to give our family and let go of what He does not want us to have. I haven’t heard anymore from the caseworker today. Then I woke up this morning from a dream where a lady called to tell me about a baby up for adoption. I woke up crying. Then early this afternoon, I received a phone call from one of our agencies about a baby just born in California. She wanted to show a couple of profiles. A friend of ours had warned us if we received a call from this agency (not us calling them first) to be ready to go, because that is how it worked with both their children. I went into high power mode-packing bags, pulling out baby gowns, blanket, etc. preparing to leave tonight if we were the ones. She called back a tad later-we were not chosen. I sunk to the floor and bawled. Why did the Lord have me wake from such a dream as that and then actually receive a similar call the same day? I’ve been asking Him to speak to us, to let us hear Him clearly. And now this today? What is the meaning of this? Just “be ready” is the only message that I think I can see/hear at this point.
Then I read stories from others on an adoption group that I’m on, about losing tons of money after flying to a different state to adopt their baby and the birthmom decides to parent or someone else in the family steps forward for the baby. Others talk about how many miscarriages they have had and how much money and time was spent on fertility treatments. And others share that some agencies don’t consider all churches to be Christian and will not work with them. Others share how they have big families same as us and are repeatedly turned down. Others share having suffered all the above and also had many foster children, but not been able to adopt. It is heart-wrenching the stories I hear. And then add the birthmom stories on top of it and you just want to break down and cry. Giving birth to your own biological children may not be physically easier, but it is spiritually, emotionally, financially, and mentally tons easier than adopting. I don’t know how much more we can take of this journey. We have been told “no” 16 times now, and are to the point that we doubt anyone will choose us for their baby’s family. Why has the Lord continued to have us walk this path and yet…
So, we are on the emotional roller coaster ride/walk.
P.S. How long does the Lord wait on us?