Holding a Baby on This Walk

This is not a post with lots of change and news. This is just a post about a wonderful gift I was given today.

First we went to church. We took our friend, Tommy, from Indiana with us. He just started working with Steve out here this week! We are so excited to have him move out here with us! We had invited him to come to church and then have lunch at our house afterwards.

We noticed during church, that a young family came in with a 2 1/2 year old baby girl and a 5 1/2 mth. old baby boy. We enjoyed hearing the beautiful sounds of a baby and toddler again throughout the service. What a blessing to hear children in the service. One can just imagine as Jesus was speaking to the crowds that there were little baby sounds heard at times. How sweet the sound.

After church we went over and introduced ourselves. We ended up talking to them for a good while. They are here on vacation. They are from Kansas City. We felt a connection to them. We invited them to come back to our house and have lunch with us today. They accepted and we all enjoyed our time of fellowship together.

I have not allowed myself to hold a baby (only once and I bawled) since going through our two miscarriages. It is just so heartbreaking that I could not bring myself to do it. Well, I was standing in the kitchen, we had all just prayed, everyone was trying to dip up their food, when the young father suddenly turned to me and said, “Can you hold him?” and he literally held the baby out to me! His wife was busy with their toddler and he needed a helping hand. What was I to say? Could I begin to explain to him that I could not allow myself to hold a baby? That I might cry? That it would bring so many memories and dreams flooding back? No, I just said, “yes” and took the beautiful baby boy. The father stepped out of the room and I began to tear up. I just stood there frozen. I didn’t think I could move for a minute. What was I to do with this sweet baby? Me? Me, the one who had dreamed for years of holding a baby again and now I stood holding one? Ah, the sweet coos of a baby. The sweet looks and smiles. The sweet, chunky feet and cheeks. The smell of a baby. The beautiful blue eyes. I was so terrified of falling apart in front of them. Steve came over and patted me on the back and asked if I was going to be all right. He knows. He too, has not held a baby either. I know why he doesn’t hold babies. It is unspoken between us. I know his pain. I know we both still grieve over our babies that are in Heaven. And of course, we realize how fast our babies here on earth have grown too. But, I know why he doesn’t hold them-the same reason I do not. So, there I stood with tears in my eyes and as each of our children walked into the kitchen, they noticed I was holding a baby and they quickly searched my eyes. They knew too. One silently stood next to me. Another gave me a half smile. Another came forward and touched the babies leg with a smile. Another carefully studied me and watched me, knowing the heartache that we had all been through. Another was busy in the other room And another sat down across from me and watched to see how I would handle holding this sweet baby.

I began praying that I would not cry. I began to sway back and forth, holding and talking to this beautiful baby. I put my hand gently on the back of his head as we swayed. It took me a minute to pull myself back together and out of the shock that I had just been handed a baby. Then I began to walk with him to the table where his parents sat. I held him for awhile longer, cherishing the memories that he brought back to mind. Memories of holding our babies and carrying them everywhere. Then I gently handed him back to his Dada after they had eaten some of their meal. One son immediately asked if I was going to eat. He was concerned that I had not eaten, but had held a baby the whole time. So sweet!

So, there you have it. We had a wonderful time with our new friends that we just met today and I held a baby. They do not know the gift they gave to me today, but I pray they will read this blog as we exchanged info. before they left. I pray they will know that they gave me a beautiful gift today-the chance to hold a baby one more time. The chance to remember our babies. The chance to again marvel at the sanctity of life. The chance to dream of holding a baby again some day soon. The chance to hear the sweet coos of a baby in church. Thank you Chris and Amanda. May the Lord bless you! We wish you all lived here. You are most welcome to come back here on vacation again and eat at our table anytime. You were a sweet gift to us today. May the Lord bless your beautiful children and may you raise them for His glory daily.

Today I was holding a baby on this walk.

P.S. Interestingly, this was my 129th post and we are currently showing our profile for our 29th time!

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