Whispers and Lies on This Walk

The past few days have been full of “stuff”. On Monday it began with the devil whispering lies in my ear-your friends have time to take vacations, have new, up-to-date furniture (not a plastic lawn chair at their dining table), nicely landscaped yards(not weeds), their children take ski, music lessons and more, …you are depriving your children already…how can you bring another child into your family? Surely, there is a better family for that child out there. Why not spend all the money you’ve been saving on a vacation or new furniture? Yes, those evil whispers were heard by my flesh momentarily. Yes, I am human. Yes, those thoughts do enter my mind from time to time. If you say that you never have similar thoughts, you are not being honest with yourself. It is human nature.

So, my dear friend, Joanna, called me and then emailed me. She talked me through it. She reminded me that I could have the average 2.5 children and be running here and there to this activity and that one, have all the nice material possessions (which we actually do have compared to the rest of the world!) or have 7 children and be happy and content. So, we both prayed that I would feel contentment in my walk.

By that evening, I had briefly forgot about my “self-pity party”. We were sitting at the dinner table eating together. Suddenly, one of our sons said something and then I suggested we play telephone with it. The next thing I knew, we were all laughing and giggling as we shared our “phone calls” with each person beside us. We were having a blast playing! Everyone wanted a turn! We heard the funniest phone calls! And it dawned on me- I am content, I am blessed by a beautiful family that enjoys each other (well, most of the time) and has fun together. We may not have the furniture, the new clothes, the vacations, the special lessons and classes, but we have a wonderful family. We are creating beautiful memories for our children to carry with them wherever they go in life. And it hasn’t cost a cent! Wow. Priceless. God is so awesome.

Then yesterday, I went to do some bloodwork and had the privilege (?) of listening to the man at the lab tell me all about his concerns about adoption and birth fathers. He shared how his company offers $1500 reimbursement if you adopt, but he doesn’t want to adopt. Wow, our(Steve’s) company offers $0 for adoption, but if you want to go through all kinds of infertility treatments, they’ll cover that. 🙂 He kept telling me all these horror stories of adoption and birth father issues. I was able to smile and talk with him about it as he stuck the needle in my arm.

Later in the evening, I learned more about our EM. The life she has lived, things she has done, and tried, leaves me wanting to weep. How will this all play out? How will our son feel about these things as they are published info., easily accessed. And to add to that, we cannot find out the truth about her ethnicity. We don’t mind what ethnicity our son is, but it would be nice for him to know someday. We’ve been told one thing by the agency, shown another on her health intake form, and seen another through her Facebook page with relatives. This leaves us very confused. What is truth? Only God knows, but how many things will our son want to know and we will not be able to give him answers for? We also learned she is on a higher dose of the medication than we had first been told. This is the medication that our baby can have withdrawal issues from. Not good, but we shall walk.

Then I received a call(around 9PM) from Steve and the oldest boys that they were headed home with 120 more bales of hay. It had suddenly begun to pour rain! He had left the tarp at home and the hay was soaking! UGH. We hung up. A few minutes later, he called and said I needed to come get him. His truck had died 1 mile from our exit. I do not do well when driving in the pouring rain and dark. This was not going to be fun. I loaded up the four youngest, who were mostly all in their pajamas by this time, and slowly headed down our mountain in the dark and rain. I had to pass them on the highway and go about 6 more miles on down to the next exit to turn around and come back to get them. I finally arrived at their pull-off point. We hooked up the trailer full of hay to my van (it has mega horse-power and is a diesel)and sat in the rain, waiting for the tow truck to come tow our truck. Then I watched as Steve got out and talked with the tow truck man in the pouring rain. I thought of our hay that was getting soaked. We would not be able to feed it to our horses now. Thankfully, we do have goats and sheep that can eat it. I felt like crying. There we sat and in desperate need of a better truck for Steve and instead we are adopting. Those old whispers started to come back-why not take the money and buy a truck? Look at your poor husband in the pouring rain and see your hay being soaked, unable to be used for your horses. I mentioned it to Steve when he got in the truck that he really needed a better truck. He said we are just fine and it is much cheaper to keep fixing it every little bit than buy another one.

We drove the next couple miles to our driveway. We backed the van up (in the pouring rain) into our neighbor’s driveway to get a running start up our mountain with our 15 passenger van and trailer load of wet, very wet hay. All of us were praying at that moment, some out loud and some silently, that we would make it up our mountain. We got halfway up and reached the steepest point and the riskiest edge when smoke started pouring out of our hood. Steve calmly said, “It’s not going any farther.” and put the emergency brake on, parked it and continued to hold (for 15 minutes) his foot on the brake pedal. I was trying not to freak out, but it was extremely scary sitting there in the dark and pouring rain on the steepest point/edge of our drive with this huge load, unable to let Steve take his foot off the brake. Steve called our neighbor who runs a towing service and said, “I need you, like in 30 seconds!” One son stayed in the van with Steve (“it’s adventurous!” he said) and the rest of us got out with a flashlight and began to walk our mountain AGAIN. This is our .7 mile long mountain driveway! We walked in the rain and prayed outloud as we walked that the Lord would send our neighbor quickly and pull them up the driveway. A few of our children were very scared and it was a good thing that Steve told them to go ahead and walk up to the house. They were scared of us dropping off the edge of the driveway. They were so sweet-one son held the flashlight for me, one daughter held my hand and another daughter took my purse and bag to carry for me. Our oldest daughter knew I was having a tough time walking up the mountain in the dark and rain and said to me, “It’s all right. We’ll be okay.” This is the daughter that could not deal with sitting in the van! We finally arrived at the top of the mountain to our house. About 5 minutes later, our neighbor came up the mountain, pushing Steve from behind his hay trailer most the way! They made it!!!! They made it to the top of the mountain!!!!! Hooray!!!! Thank you Lord!!!!! We ran out in the rain and grabbed Steve and hugged him! We were together again as a family. Yes, Lord, I see the beauty that you have given me. Yes, Lord I am content to not have the worldly possessions and activities. I am content to be right where you put me and be given exactly what I need. Prayer answered, Joanna! I have seen contentment the past two days since our prayer!!!!

Then I talked w/our neighbor for a few minutes. He said his wife told him he couldn’t possibly be going over to our driveway up the mountain in the dark! See? Even she is scared of our drive! Our friends all tell us how our drive scares them too! But, no, Michelle and all the testosterone has to live on top of a mountain with this unbelievable driveway! Nothing is easy in my life, including going home! 🙂

When I told our neighbor about our baby boy soon to be here, he said, “Are you buying one?” Nice. I told him in my sweeet, southern way to “watch his mouth” and smiled. This is the neighbor who told us about another family that adopted a couple children who are “blacker than black”. Nice. This will be a learning experience for him with our son. 🙂 We are looking at this as an awesome opportunity to teach him how to love others of color. We are all from the same bloodline, but sometimes people get confused by what their eyes show them. We look forward to sharing with him in the future. What an awesome opportunity the Lord has put before us. Even more awesome is the opportunity to share our light with our town of maybe 600 people! We are so thankful for the Lord placing us here. We are blessed to be His missionaries.

So, there you have it. We have heard the whispers and lies this week, but we are on top the mountain!

We denounce the whispers and lies on this walk.

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